Re-evaluating Your Sexual Preference: Your Stories

A couple of weeks ago, I posted an article talking about the preponderance of furries who re-evaluate their sexual preference after discovering the community. The experience is common enough to be a furry stereotype.

Many of you shared your stories in the comments, in the forums and to my email (jm@furrynet.com).

Today I want to post some of those stories. I’ve edited them all for length but I’ve done my best to retain the true voice of the writer. I encourage you to read the longer versions elsewhere on the site, and seek out more stories by asking around your furry friends.

I realized I was gay after getting into furry, and also right after starting college. I grew up in a fairly Christian household, so erotica was a no-no. I never seemed to go after the female stuff and of course anything else was unthinkable.

 

In college I got a ton more unmonitored internet-using time. RL friends would suggest porn-viewing nights, and online friends would send me links that I actually felt okay about opening. Needless to say, all this was straight. It took a great gay rolemodel and another furry friend online realizing he was non-straight, to realize there were other options. I spent a couple months identifying as bi, but by the end of the first semester, I was identifying as gay online and in RL, had a Tapestries account, a male mate online, the whole thing.
– Indi

I grew up with my mother, who was very open regarding sex and sexuality. There was nothing wrong with being gay and so I was already prepared to consider/accept it when puberty hit.

 

My sex life began when I was thirteen. I slept with a friend’s male cousin. I didn’t like it. But I knew I could find a bond with females. When I was fourteen I came out to my mother as gay. It’s one of my favourite stories about my mother that when I came out she shouted, “WOOHOO, gay girls don’t get pregnant!” and then we had cookies.

 

I then spent several years in the local gay community as a drag king and little-boy dyke. At nineteen I decided I was no longer interested in the gay community or its drama. It’s pretty ironic I then turned to the furry community.

 

I had reservations about joining the group after one male member propositioned me online, but another guy had seemed nice. We decided to have casual sex and started dating. I was now unsettled and wondering about my sexuality. I rationalised that he was bi and therefore some sort of stepping stone between female and male. For about two years I was still trying to find excuses as to how I could still be lesbian.

 

I have since fallen in love with another male in the local community. I’m still sure I’m bisexual, but I was sure I was lesbian before. I have never found myself attracted to a female member of the community, though they are in very limited supply. I’m still not sure if I changed more or just my circumstances.
– Muchi

 

Both my parents were non-practising Jehovah’s Witnesses. I grew up not knowing what “gay” was. I had my first crush when I was eight. Because I didn’t understand what was going on, I just thought it was a case of hero-worship towards a role-model who was a few years older. When his friends noticed and taunted me, asking whether I was “gay”, I asked my mother what it was. As an answer, I got a description of some bizarre caricature of aging pedophiles who forcibly rape little boys. All that set me back about ten years.

 

The furry community is the best environment for people to self-actualize that I’ve ever encountered. Inasmuch as it does this, I genuinely consider it to be, literally, the most important thing on the planet.
– Satori

 

I was introduced to the furry fandom through through erotic art when I was 15. At the time I was very attracted to women and not at all to men. One day, I read a short story involving two males and something clicked.

 

Did furry turn me bi? It’s hard for me to believe that I had some latent homosexual desire through all the years I spent lusting after women. As much as the victimist in me wants to say I was born this way, I’m honestly not sure that’s true.
– SS

 

When I joined furry, I was just as gay as could be. I was one of those “ew girls gross” guys. It took probably a year or two before I started to open up. I wound up first in a relationship online in which there was much toying with gender, then in a relationship in person with a girl.

 

It was a similar journey for me in terms of gender. Gender’s big and complicated, as big and complicated as sexuality, and I certainly can’t say I’m finished with either journey, but the furry fandom has certainly been instrumental in helping me to grow and change as I feel I ought. I seem to have landed somewhere in the middle of the Kinsey scale, and while I don’t consider myself transgendered, I don’t really consider myself cisgendered either. If there’s another thing that my growth in the fandom has taught me, though, it’s that I’m not going to claim those labels forever.
– Makyo

 

I grew up in a fairly conservative family in a conservative part of the country, so queer folks always seemed distant – something that you’d find in big cities. When I first discovered furry, I thought of myself primarily as asexual. The thought that I was attracted to men never occurred to me.

 

Furry changed all that. Talking to gay and bi men helped me realize that I did have sexual thoughts and urges. My first serious relationship with a furry girl was with someone who was very interested in online gender play.

 

Long after I had dated several men, admitting I was gay felt dirty and like I had betrayed my family and my church. The fandom was a refuge from those feelings. People in the fandom were willing to say the two most important things that a young gay man can hear: you are not alone and what you feel really is OK.
– peri

 

When I was a teen I dated a few girls, mainly out of expectations rather than any sort of mutual attraction. What I was really interested in was dogs, and to a lesser extent other guys. I didn’t really think that homosexuality really existed beyond a concept at that age, let alone zoosexuality.

 

While the furry fandom offered plenty in relation to zoosexual material and people to contact, it also provided plenty of opportunity to rally against those very same things, with no shortage of people who were very anti-zoo. I turned on my zoo friends. My homosexual encounters also became more self destructive, becoming meaningless, anonymous and objectifying. Eventually it got to the point where I convinced myself in my mind that I hated sex. And thus my life was miserable for a long time.

 

I eventually identified what was wrong, and had to go through the agonising process of learning to accept and love myself as a homosexual. I then had to go through the even harder process of accepting myself as a zoosexual. It remains the hardest thing that I have ever done.

 

I don’t think I could have made those steps without my friends within the fandom who were accepting of who I actually was. I feel sad when I reflect on the kind of person that I used to be, and that I had pointed accusingly at people who were just like me and said with conviction ‘You are wrong and vile’. I’m surprised that I could have ever hated myself that badly.
– Anonymous

 

Thanks to everyone who told their story.

About JM

JM is a horse-of-all-trades who was introduced to furry in his native Australia by the excellent group known collectively as the Perthfurs. JM now helps run [adjective][species] from London, where he is most commonly spotted holding a pint and talking nonsense.

Before posting a comment, please read our Code of Conduct

7 thoughts on “Re-evaluating Your Sexual Preference: Your Stories

  1. I really enjoyed that compilation JM. Thanks for putting it together for us.

    Anonymous really made me think. Do we have within the community yet anything along the lines of a Zoo Pride group? I’d like to be the equivalent of those confident straight guys who nevertheless support Gay Pride. If anyone’s heard of something like this, please let me know. In a community founded on self-actualization, it’s grossly unfair that zoo folks are so often left out in the cold there. It’s like being at a great room party that’s sent one poor fur off to go sit in the corner, and I don’t think that could be right.

    I also have to wonder how much of that is furs projecting their own apprehensiveness about dealing with their own sexual preferences onto someone else.

  2. Satori–as a zoophile, and one who can wholeheartedly identify with parts of Anonymous’s story, I’m not aware of any concerted zoo-supportive movement in the furry community. Nor is being a zoophile something I’m proud of, or ashamed of for that matter. For better or worse, my love of dogs seems to be a pretty indelible part of who I am, and I simply need to live with it.

    That said, it is always a welcome relief knowing some furries are sympathetic toward us. And I don’t think I, or most other zoos, want a flag-waving Zoo Pride Parade down Main Street; simply knowing there are those on the outside who are willing to have an open mind, not instantaneously condemn us, and acknowledge the possibility that even some human-animal relationships can be mutually consenting, loving, and deep is very much welcomed.

    As for vehement anti-zoos, I would definitely agree that, at least in some cases, their attitude toward us zoos is a result of self-loathing toward similar attractions. I understand that the idea of sexual relations with animals elicits a response of disgust in many people, and I fault no one for that in and of itself (I would probably feel the same way, were I not zoo!). However, it is when someone equates that feeling with morality to the exclusion of other data that it becomes impossible to reason with anti-zoos. I may not share the same views as an anti-zoo with a logical, intelligent, and well-thought-out argument against zoophilia, but I can at least respect them.

    1. Thanks for the comment zoocoyote. If it helps, I’m happy to say that I received no negative feedback on my original zoophilia post, from a few weeks ago. I expect there to be a backlash, and it’s possible that there will be one in the future, but at least the readers of [adjective][species] are happy to accept a tolerant attitude towards zoophiles. If they disagree, they’re keeping quiet, rather than spreading the bile that seems to be fairly ubiquitous elsewhere.

      It’s my hope that posts like that one – and this one – are going to help furries discuss the topic more openly.

      1. Thank you for the reply, JM. It’s always a pleasure to find small corners of the internet, whether within the zoo community or not, where people are willing and able to discuss controversial issues in a civil and intellectual fashion. I’m heartened to see that this blog appears to be among them, and I look forward to seeing future discussions, whether on zoophilia or anything else.

  3. Going though this now myself, interesting to see how many of these people come from stricter or more conservative backgrounds. Gay people were a mystery to me for many years whilst growing up in a sheltered suburbia. I can’t recall ever meeting an openly gay person and it was never discussed, so the conservative upbringing similarity applies to me as well I suppose…

    Also, hey! I’ve never commented on your blog before, but I feel like this one deserved a comment, good writing on this blog even if not all the readers post comments, keep it up! ;P

    -an anonymous reader

    1. Thanks AAR, and thanks for the comment.

      That struck me too. I’m sure that conservative parents are just doing their best to protect their children from the less savoury aspects of the world. It must be difficult for them, as well as the child, to handle the change when the child’s true nature eventually bubbles up to the surface.

  4. If I hadn’t joined the Furry community, I’m sure I would have had a harder time accepting that I’m bi. Not only that, but had a very good friend of mine not peered over at me while I happened to be on a Furry site, we would never have become friends.

    She was the first person I had the courage to “come out” to. :)

    All in all, I’ve grown deeply attatched to the fandom, and it’s become an integral part of who I am and percieve myself to be. In fact, I’m seriously considering changing my name to my fursona’s when I graduate high school.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *